Friday Funny: Not Getting Raptured

via Barefoot and Progressive

It’s really freakin’ hard to top something as funny as “I’m your host William Tafly, Third Eagle of the Apocalypse and the co-prophet of the end times,” but Mr. Tafly achieves the impossible just seconds later by saying that contraceptives will prevent you from being raptured:

Partial transcript after the jump

Other gems:

0:51 – “In Genesis chapter 38, God shows his displeasure with contraception when he kills Onan.  Onan uses the Planned Parenthood technique called withdrawal.  That is, he spilled his seed upon the ground.  And God was so displeased with this that he killed Onan.”

1:20 – “They like to say if you don’t play the game, you don’t get to make the rules.  But of course, this is another lie from Satan.  Can you tell me any game in which the player makes the rules?”  (Um, yeah. Drinking games, anyone?)

1:45 – “The person who makes the rules for any game is the inventor of the game.  And so I ask you: who invented the game of sex?  God invented the game of sex, and therefore, he gets to make the rules.  And if you don’t live by those rules, you will suffer the consequences.  In this life, you will get sexually transmitted diseases.  And in the next life, you will suffer for all eternity.”

2:23 – “[T]he most important thing for you to understand is that you will not be raptured if you use are using condoms or any other kind of contraceptives.”

3:08 – “You cannot be chaste if you are using contraceptives.  Please do not expect to be ratpured if you are into fornication, if you are into adultry, and if you are into contraceptives.”

3:40 – “Please don’t be fooled by Satan.  If you want to be raptured, if you want to be protected, you must live a virtuous life as far as sexuality goes.”


About Melissa

I love donuts. Chocolate iced, hold the sprinkles.
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